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What we forget is that even if a person hasn’t just exited a relationship, aside from knowing our own boundaries (which can rule out certain things that we’ve already made a decision on in advance of), we cannot get all of the answers upfront or have someone tell us what ‘the ending’ will be.

Each situation is different but what you can say with a high degree of certainty is that someone who’s just fallen out of their marriage, who’s still in reconciliation negotiations, who’s still very influenced by their spouse, and who has been separated for a long time ‘just because’, is going to bring pain into your life.

We may be imagining all sorts of problems that may or may not exist or we’re rationalising our own boundaries, values, and even prior experiences of being in one of these situations (so knowing that we may struggle with the emotional consequences) and are thinking along the lines of, ‘Well…

I’m of a certain age so I need to prepare myself for turning a blind eye to any code amber / red actions and indications because people in this age group tend to be recently broken up / separated / divorced‘. There’s no easy answer to the question of what the ‘right time’ is for dating a separated or recently divorced person.

Same goes for someone who’s not over their divorce and has beliefs that affect their ability to be committed.

I personally know people who have gotten together while one party was separated, and in one case the wife refused to sign so they had to wait for it to lapse and got married as soon as it did a few years later, and in the other instances where it worked out, there was no faffing about with the divorce, Future Faking etc.

That way, should the topic come up later, I can actually say, “Oh, I told you, didn’t I? I struggle enough with the fact that my marriage came to an end after just a year and a half, that my husband cheated on me, and left me for a girl 28 years his junior, just two years older than his daughter from a previous marriage.

” When I tell them it’s been over a year now, the next question is always, “So how come you’re not divorced yet?

If you begin dating before your divorce is final, you are technically committing adultery.

You’re still married, and married people can’t enter into intimate relationships with anyone other than their spouses.

This is especially true if they know what’s going on because you’ve introduced them to a new friend.

If your spouse brings your activities to the attention of a judge, it may work against you in a dispute.




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It isn’t difficult to imagine that for some, the promise of a bit more social currency and safety could be compelling reasons to seek out an opposite-sex partner, even unconsciously.


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However, scientific research does not support it, at least when it comes to personality compatibility.


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